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Why are you staying in an Abusive Relationship?

4 February 2010, 11:23 pm

Do you know why people been abused, and why most have the biggest problem to leave an abusive relationship? People who went through it or still in an abusive relationship understand want I am talking, but the people who are in a loving relationship can’t understand it.

I know and I heard it many times that it is that person own fault when they don’t leave or they even need to be abuse. It is hard to explain someone who didn’t walk that road to understand how a person, today are women as men abused from their spouse, taking all the physical and mental abuse. The one thing you must understand is that the abuse never started from the beginning, but it sneak in like a snake. They play their game pretty good, they awaking a sorry feeling from their partner. Most time is like their life was unfair to them and how hard it was for them, and now they feel like so blessed because they meet you, you are the dream partner they ever wanted. Than reality in life sets in and they become moody from all the stress at work and how people just can’t let them alone, and next they start snapping on you.

We start finding excuses for them, and even hate their boss for the unfair treatment towards our spouse. Next you find yourself in a situation, that when your spouse is in a bad mood, you are very carful what you say or what you do, so you don’t up-set him. Before you know you are losing your self-esteem and self-confident, and you do everything to please your spouse. When he gets mean to you and through words on you that are hurting, like that you can’t do anything right and that your family are on his side.
When you visit your family he talks bad about you behind your back and complains that you are so lacy and just blowing the money. You don’t care about the kids or husband.

They manipulating your family against you and before you know they are also giving you ugly comments. Because of the third influents we start to question our-self and creating self doubt, and start believing that it may is our fault. Deep inside we get mad and rebelling against it, but this is exactly what our spouse was looking for it. After they found your soft spot, they will push your bottom and taking your power over you away. Now they become more physical, and than have the excuse that they must do it so you snap out of your hysteric trance. When they got that control over you, they are then controller who puts you more and more down, and show no respect towards you. After a period of time your mind starts to believe that this is what you deserve, that you are not good enough, and that you can’t leave because you have no money to survive.

Most abuse people take the abuse and believe that this is just a temporarily stage and pretty soon your relationship will be like it was at the beginning. That your partner will change back and will be again the man you felled in love. You hope for that day, the reward you get because you stayed on his side, but this day will never come. In some cases the spouse even build up that sorry feeling in other people that they have to deal with you and so they see it as ok when he has affairs. Because on the end you are the bad spouse who drives everyone nuts and he can’t leave you because of the kids, and nobody really knows what goes on behind the door and that you are in an abusive relationship.

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5 Tips How to Avoid a Bad Relationship

29 January 2010, 3:11 am

Did you ever wonder why your Relationship didn’t worked out?
Why you attract the wrong people into your life, and before you knew all the resolution you set for this new relationship are gone? Did you remember what you said you never would do again, and than you done it again?

You are not alone and I done this mistakes over and over again too, I was hurt and slowly isolate myself to prevent to be hurt again, until I found out why this happen.

1. We must understand that men are total different then women

2. The men must be the hunter.

3. How are your dates?

4. No SEX at the beginning.

5. Never give up on your dreams, just because of a new partner in your life.

You may hear about these five points, but do you know why they are so true? O.K. let me explain it and paint an easy picture to understand what I am saying.

1. We must understand that the men are total different then women

When we meet a men and he is attracted to us, he is attracted the way we are in this moment, not how we will be after some work is done on us or after we lost some weight. As when a woman meets a man she thinks how he can be in the future, after they have their makeover and we change so that he is pleased with us.

We need to understand that men are not thinking, feeling and acting like women do. A man never can multitasking, he is focus on one thing at the time. As we women are made for multitasking, we can think about our job, family, kids and what needs to be done all in one. Example will be; we can cook dinner be on the phone and watching the kids all in the same time, while a man only can watch the kids, or cook, or be on the phone.

When you want something from a man you must tell him, because he can’t read your mind, nor can he guess what you want. As we women are very emotional and we accept that the man can read our emotion and gives us what we want. Like going window-shopping and telling your man how much you like that ring, you hopping that you gave him the tip what to buy for you. In reality a man only hears that you like that ring, but didn’t know that you want that ring. When you are unhappy because you miss the fun you ones had, in his mind all is fine between you two.

When we want something from your man, you must tell him directly what it is what you want and most men will be thankful. The worse is when you expect him to read your mind and than be upset when you don’t get it from him.

2. The man must be the hunter

A man is still a hunter even after the times has change. He has to get out and hunt for the woman he wants, after he got her, he will protect her and adores her for life. But when a man don’t have to hunt for her and easy gets every women without earning her, he becomes like a spoiled little boy. When a spoiled boy has so many toys and all just given to him, he loves to play with them but he will get very easy tired of it and moves on to the next one. So age doesn’t makes a man, but one who hunts for the woman he wants he will be committed to her. This is a man, all the others are just still the boys who only love to play until they are tired and move on. On the end we women are the ones how are hurt.

3. How are your dates?

Most first dates are the best. You go out for a coffee, than out for a dinner and for a drink. Most of the places can be very noisy so it is easy just to end up at his place for a glass of wine. You will have a great time; easy going conversation and suddenly the alcohol kicks in. He is so in you and you like him, but suddenly he touch your points which turns you so on, and before you know it you are in bed with him and have a great time. The following dates are most just stay at his place for movies, wine or beer and sex. When you never meet his friends or family, he is only into you for sex. These men can be very nice and good guys, but they have a problem and may never can committed to this or any relationship. They also will run when it feels to good, because somewhere in their life they had a bad relationship with a lot of drama and they never got over it. Get out of it or you are just wasting your time and miss mister right for a healthy relationship.

A healthy relationship starts when you meet his friends and family, and he is interested to meet your friends and family. He makes you feel good and your friends like him for you. He always will pay the bills, planes the next dates, you feel that special connection between you two, and he is proud to show off with you in the public.

4. No SEX at the beginning!

Best relationships are destroyed with to early sex in the relationship. A man is very easy turn on for sex, and can have sex with any kind of women. After they done they easy move on and just see you as the other one-night stand or as a woman for only sex. A man is not like a woman, they don’t fall in love with you after they have sex with you. A woman easy falls in love with a man after their first time of good sex. In the same time, when the sex was bad, they are out. A man must first fall in love with a woman, is committed to her and feels emotional attracted to her after he work hard to get her and see that special woman in her before their first time sex.

5. Never give up your dreams, just because of a new partner in your life.

A good and successful man wants a strong woman in his life. A woman who knows who she is and what she wants. All Women want to be in a relationship with a man who respect them for who they are, supports their dreams, they can trust him, who gives them there space to breath and allow them to be happy.
While the losers are afraid that they will lose you, so they want you all by themselves without your or his friends and to be in control over you. First they will have excuses why you should give up on your dreams, and after you give up on your dreams you easy lose your self-esteem, self-confident and become depressed. These men do not want to lose you and need you be weak, they will abuse you and cheat on you. They never will change and you never can change them, because they believe that they are right.

Yes I know, a lot of time women are afraid to lose the guy when they don’t sleep with them, and yes the guy’s put pressure on a woman to get her in bed. The true is that at this moment you will separate the boys from the men, the good man will wait while the boys will run. Even when you sleep with a boy they still will run.

So just ask yourself this one question, “Do you want a man and a relationship or do you want a boy and just playing time on his turn?”

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Abusive Relationship

29 November 2009, 7:24 pm

Today I made the decision to open myself and to help other women who are in the situation I was, and how they may get through it without a detour or been stacked like I was. This report is to understand that so many women done it before me and made it and so can you! There are challenges when you are from different country and culture. When he hides behind the military and tells that you have no rights. You MUST fight for yourself and your kid’s rights. You are all that they have and they need you. Kids understand the situation better than you think, and they will help you. Please don’t underestimate kids, and don’t do it behind their back or you will pay the price.

I came a long way and I am now strong, yes I know there were many times when I was frustrated, wanted to give up, and I questions myself why I was in this situation? Why my marriage failed and why I was mental and physical abused, disrespected and treated like trash? The other woman is black and 3 years younger than his mother, has 5 grand kids and treated his kids like shit, but he adores her, stands behind her and tell the boys that they must get his attention. He even didn’t showed up in the ER when I almost lost our youngest son.

The reason that everything went wrong, I picked the wrong man who was not qualify to fit into my life and he was not the man he pretend to be. He played me by saying things I wanted to hear. Later I found out that he had his double life already before we got married and still is immature. He never was a dad to his boy’s and never had change a diaper. You see he never was a family man or husband. Yes he played me, destroyed me and the relationship between me and my family. He made me look so bad when we arrived in the Huntsville Alabama he spread lies around me in town, that people will feel sorry for him. He told me that I am now in his country and lost all of my rights.

After he told me one day that I must get a 3rd job, because he needed more money and than I need to do what his girlfriend said. I failed for divorce, which took 22 months and 5 months before I got my first child support. He played all kinds of tricks not to pay child support and with the Alabama law I was not allow to leave the state without his waiver, but I tricked him later when I moved to San Antonio Texas were his parents live, which he regretted later. I was than out of his control and the kids save from them. Today my boy’s and I am very close and they want to have nothing to do with that side of their family and we are planning to move back to Germany. See, they learned it by themselves to see it and made their own judgment, and which side of the family really care and love them.

It was not my fault and it is not your fault when you are in the same situation, you just done a wrong decision and there is hope. It is not the end and the right man is out there. The important part is not to do the same mistake again and pick the wrong man again. Sometimes we are just exchanging the partner and keep the same situation. Just make sure what you really want and see it in your next man, when he don’t has it — move on to the next. Never hope that he will change and that you must be lucky that someone wants you with the kids. You deserve to get the best and you will get it in the moment you believe in yourself and expect it. There are always new opportunity and it will work out. Sometimes it takes some patient and some time to heal. Never give up and stay active, grow into the person you want to be and Law of Attraction always works.

Don’t ask me how I done it sometimes I even don’t know it, but I spoiled my kids with love, been independent to use commend sense and been responsible. We traveled together in the US, Canada, Puerto Rico and Germany, and they went by themselves to Germany a few times. Both are now teenagers go to high school and work a few hours a week. They have their goals and I know they will make it and they will be one day good to their wives and kids.

Gudrun Smith
Easy Online Marketing Coach
210-279-4317
gudrun@gudrunsmith.com

http://easy-online-marketing.com
http://momshomebasedbiz.com

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